How to Be Miserable: A Foolproof Guide

Most people spend their lives chasing happiness, reading countless books and blogs about how to find it. But here’s the irony: being unhappy is far easier.

In fact, many of us have already mastered it without even realising.

Happiness requires awareness, effort, and conscious choices. Unhappiness, on the other hand, thrives on neglect.

It sneaks in through the small habits we repeat daily — the way we think, the way we compare ourselves to others, the way we cling to grudges or avoid responsibility.

Left unchecked, these patterns create a life that feels heavy, frustrating, and joyless.

So instead of asking, “How can I be happy?” let’s flip the script and look at the surefire ways to guarantee misery.

Spot them in yourself, and you’ll know exactly what to stop doing if you want a richer, more fulfilling life.

1. Complain (without ever acting)

Make complaining your default mode.

Harp on slights, minor annoyances, injustices.

Replay them in your head, share them with others.

Don’t ever think about solutions — just amplify the problem.

2. Compare yourself to others incessantly

Keep your eyes on what others have: lifestyles, incomes, status, looks, achievements.

Let yourself feel inferior, stuck, left behind. Never own your path or accept your circumstances.

Comparisons are a classic unhappiness engine.

3. Seek external approval as your measure of worth

Let your mood revolve around likes, compliments, praise, promotion, awards — anything that external people can give.

Let rejection or criticism wreck your sense of self.

Unhappy people often derive their identity from what others think.

4. Dwell on regrets, the past, and what “should have been”

Obsess over what you could’ve done differently, the doors you didn’t take. Rewind history endlessly, especially the parts that hurt.

This keeps you stuck, resentful, and powerless over now.

5. Tie your happiness to outcomes and conditions

“I’ll be happy when I get the promotion, when I lose 10 kg, when I find the perfect partner.”

Make your joy conditional. Then, update the bar so it’s always out of reach.

When happiness hinges on conditions, you’re doomed to disappointment.

6. Always play the victim card

Adopt a mindset of “poor me,” “why is life unfair,” “I never catch breaks.”

Let external forces be the cause of your misery, and you the passive sufferer.

This gives you an excuse to stop trying or changing.

7. Refuse to let go — grudges, bitterness, resentment

Carry grudges like weights. Let anger fester. Revisit old wounds. Don’t forgive. Don’t move on.

Bitterness poisons your present.

Bitterness poisons your present.

8. Avoid responsibility and agency

When something goes wrong, blame others, the system, fate. Never examine your role or your choices.

You’ll never improve, because you’ll never admit anything lies within your control.

9. Resist growth, change, discomfort

Avoid risks. Stay in your comfort zone. Don’t experiment, don’t stretch, don’t fail.

Stagnation breeds unhappiness — the more you cling to what feels “safe,” the more trapped you become.

10. Neglect gratitude, mindfulness, and inner life

Ignore what’s working, what’s good. Don’t pause to reflect or savour. Don’t tune into your emotions or thoughts.

A lack of inner life means your mind becomes a desert of discontent.

Bonus: The “High Achievement Paradox”

If you’re ambitious, there’s a special trick: let every outcome slip into the territory of “not enough.”

The bar moves. The target shifts. Your inner critic never rests.

Even when you succeed, you feel hollow, isolated, or dissatisfied.

Why this “unhappiness playbook” works

Because unhappiness is rarely about external circumstances alone — it’s about mindsets, habits, identities, and choices.

The behaviours and mental patterns above are all feedback loops: complaining draws your attention to grievances; comparison and conditional joy constantly reposition the bar; victimhood steals agency; resisting growth eliminates sources of meaning; neglecting gratitude empties life of richness.

And of course, if you never diagnose your own role, you’ll never change a thing.

Final thoughts

Unhappiness doesn’t arrive by accident.

It’s usually the result of a series of choices, habits, and mindsets that slowly chip away at joy.

The good news is that once you recognise these patterns, you can consciously choose a different path.

Instead of complaining, you can act.

Instead of comparing, you can appreciate.

Instead of clinging to the past, you can focus on the present.

Each small shift weakens the grip of unhappiness and builds the foundation for a more meaningful, contented life.

So take this list not as a manual for misery, but as a mirror.

If you catch yourself following any of these surefire ways to be unhappy, treat it as a gentle reminder that you have the power to change course.

After all, happiness may not always be easy — but it’s always worth the effort.

About Michael Yardney Michael is the founder of Metropole Property Strategists who help their clients grow, protect and pass on their wealth through independent, unbiased property advice and advocacy. He's once again been voted Australia's leading property investment adviser and one of Australia's 50 most influential Thought Leaders. His opinions are regularly featured in the media.